In Bloom
by AI Rorello
Summary: Caught within completely unfamiliar territory of the heart, Iris must face the consequences of her words and actions. Negaishipping. One-shot.
It's awkward, you know? All the time you spent with a guy you considered 'a good friend' suddenly changing within a spans of a minute. Changing into something more. Something foreign. Something so completely unknowable. How is anyone supposed to keep their footing at such a sudden change? Am I supposed to stand somewhere else? Or try hard to stay where I am now? What are you supposed to do if you didn't even know where you stood in the first place? And how is anyone supposed to treat their old memories? Should I see them as silly? Good? Bad? Have I been seeing this relationship wrong since the beginning? Or could it really not have been helped?

Or... am I supposed to see the relationship we have now as wrong?

Did I mess up...? Was this a big mistake? How can I know it is before something happens? Should I wait and see? Or should I be proactive? And how can I be proactive when I don't even know what I'm doing now? What am I doing here? What did I just do? Why did I say that? But here I am. Because of a whim, a gut reaction, a panicked kick, a subconscious plea turned explosive...

I can't believe I said that.

"So... um..." he says. He's expecting me to say something, isn't he? Why wouldn't he expect it? I got us into this mess. If it is a mess. Wait. Does he think this is a mess? Should I just apologize right now and - "I didn't think... you, uh... liked me that way." he says, his face turning pinker than it had before. I don't know what to make of that comment. Is it a shy response to something so appalling? Is he saying he likes me too? Oh gosh, what if he _is_ saying that?!

" _Axew._ " Axew nudged at my cheek. He was clinging onto my shoulder, his favorite spot, and had been glaring at me for quite some time. _He_ is definitely wanting me to say something. That, I know. I can question what I'm thinking, or what this guy next to me is thinking, but there's no need at all for me to question what Axew is thinking. I know him better than I know myself. And what I know is that he's been pushing me to admit something I didn't even know I've ever felt! " _Axew!_ " he pokes one of his paws hard against me. His claw could easily pierce my skin, and he's letting me know that. If I don't say something soon, he's going to make sure this _really_ hurts.

"I - I, uhm. Yeah. I know, right?!" I blurt out. What the heck am I saying?! Why would I ask him 'right?' if I'm the one that - Geez, what is wrong with me? "I d-didn't really know it myself until - until I saw her."

"Her?" he asks me. Yes, _her_. You know who I'm talking about, you - "Serena?" he mentions her name as if to make sure. Yeah, _her_. Just thinking about her makes me... I don't know. Angry? I don't know why. She shouldn't make me so upset. I've seen Dawn grab a hold of him before. I've seen other girls hold onto him like that. He thinks nothing of it. He's never thought anything of anyone doing that to him. And I've never thought anything of it either. So why her? Why did seeing her latch onto his arm like that just twist me the wrong way? "What about Serena?" he asks me. Geez! Is he serious?!

"Is she your girlfriend?" Who said that?

Did I say that? Did I just ask him...? Oh no... No, no, no, no. Why did I just ask him that?! Why would I even think that?! Is that what I was worried about?! Is that what pushed me to blurt out what I said to him?! I don't want to know the answer to that! It... It scares me. There's a pain in my chest. Something is sinking in there. I've never felt this way before. It's frightening. There's a clawing in my stomach. I want to leave. I want to run. I want to just go. I don't know where. But I can't stay here to hear his answer. I can't stay here to look him in the face. I can't. I don't know why, really. I just can't.

"M-My girlfriend?! N-No. No, she's not." he answers me, turning away slightly. His answer relieves me a little. It should relieve me more, so why isn't it? Maybe it's because he turned away. He's not lying. I don't know how I know, but I know what he just said is true. But... maybe he's turning away because he's feeling embarrassed over the idea. In the way where... he's thought about it before.

He likes her. Doesn't he?

There's a terrible pain in my gut now. I feel like throwing up. I don't know why. Maybe because... I _really_ don't like that answer. And though the pain is different from before, it feels way too similar to the feeling I had when I saw that girl clinging onto his arm.

It wasn't Serena I was angry at. It was Ash.

Ash Ketchum. A close friend of mine for three and a half years. I traveled with him for three of those years back in the Unova region. Back then, I was trying to find my own footing after my world came crashing down. The future I thought I'd have fell apart before me. The present that I thought would never change crumbled beneath my feet. It was a terrible failure that I would never forget, and I wouldn't allow myself to forgive until I could fix it. Some time during my own travels, I met Ash. Something about him and the battles he faced encouraged me to keep my spirits up. I always kept my own spirits up, with or without anyone's influence, but there was something about this guy that made me feel like 'everything will be okay in the end'. Even if I didn't originally like him.

After a few events, I accepted his and Cilan's request to follow them on their journeys, as well as help them out whenever I could. But honestly, it felt like Ash was following me on my own journey, and that he was helping me out whenever he could. After all, traveling with him, facing every trouble he faced, was like a big therapy session for me. Almost everything we did together helped me find my real footing and helped me figure out where I really wanted to go. As for how he felt? Even after we parted ways, he continued going on his journeys like nothing ever changed. Moving on with the supposed same goal in a never-ending journey. Honestly, what was there for me to follow if he had set no real destination for himself? What could I help him in if he was always satisfied where he stood? No, in the end, he was there for me - and I suppose just tagged along.

That end should have been the end of it for us. But for some reason, he kept in contact with me. A phone call every week to see how I was doing. I really enjoyed those calls. For four months, we kept up those weekly conversations. But, time went on, and we started having less and less time to talk with each other - as each of our journeys were getting more difficult without our complete focus.

Within two months' time, we stopped calling each other. It wasn't a sad thing to realize. That's just how life goes. And I was planning on getting back in contact with him once my journey ended. We would share a meal and a laugh, as we recall all the insane stories we'd have for each other. That's how I always imagined it. It would have made a perfect ending for my journey. I may have moved on to another one, or I may have retired to a solid career after it was done, but my end goal was sharing that happy little ending with him. To say 'thank you for being there for me', I guess.

But then, one day, out of the blue, I ran into Dawn - one of Ash's old traveling companions - during one of my travels. She was as chipper and as friendly as when I first met her. She would have made a perfect girlfriend for Ash, I thought - a lot. Maybe it's because I could see that the two of them were equals in mindsets. I would've pushed for them to be together, but playing matchmaker has never been my thing.

Dawn, however, seemed more interested in playing that.

After telling me about her own travels and stories, she started talking about Ash and what he's been up to. Apparently, unlike me, Dawn pushed for Ash to continue his calls with her, no matter how busied he was. And not just her, but one other girl was doing the same, a Gym Leader by the name of Misty. I knew of her. But I had no idea she also traveled with Ash. Both Misty and Dawn seemed keen on keeping in contact with Ash, _especially_ with the recent developments. I can't say I wasn't curious over what she meant by that.

Thankfully, I didn't need to seem desperate by asking, as Dawn told me every detail. Ash found a new traveling companion, apparently. And she was quite a looker. Not only that, but she had some history with Ash, some solid romance-like history. Maybe Dawn was just being overdramatic with the story, but their chance meeting and journey sounded like it came straight out of a fairytale. I was intrigued. Very intrigued. And Dawn fed that intrigue by pulling out a photo of the newly formed travel group.

It was Ash, slightly taller than I last remembered him, wearing a whole new set of clothes. Seeing him gave me goosebumps of nostalgia. Next to him was a boy I immediately recognized as Clemont, and his trusty sidekick-like sister, Bonnie. They were well-known to anyone who kept up with the news of the Battle League in the Kalos region. And to the right, was a girl I didn't recognize at all. Her name was Serena. She was, as described, quite a looker. Not just in face and shape, but her fashion was undeniably cute. She had a wide, shy smile, and she had her arms wrapped around Ash's elbow. ... It annoyed me. Not her. But her, with Ash. Ash was...

Something in my gut told me to go. To see Ash. To stop him. From what? I had no clue. But I felt really compelled. I excused myself from Dawn and... and took a plane... What was I thinking? I was thinking nothing at all. That photo. That was all that was on my mind, and it wasn't even on there as a thought. More like... an instinctual vision. Like I wasn't really seeing it, but it was there. Embedded.

Three nights' flight all the way to see Ash. I was insane. No sane person would take a flight like that on a whim. Especially when they have their own life and responsibilities to worry about. But... that photo. I couldn't get it out of my head. Out of my chest. Out of my stomach. All rational thoughts suddenly felt weightless in comparison to that feeling. I had to see him. I had to confront him. And do what? I had no clue. But I would do it.

After I arrived, I contacted Dawn and told her to tell Ash to meet me in a nearby town. I didn't want to contact him myself. I was furious. At what? At who? I don't know. Just, the image of the photo, that's all. It was the source of my frustration, but I don't know if it was the target of my anger. What was I doing? Seriously, what was I doing?

It took a full day, but Dawn said Ash was nearing the Pokemon Center I was staying in. I waited near the entrance, watching the door like a predator awaiting its prey. I didn't move, I don't even know if I blinked. I'm sure I frightened some of the passersby, but I didn't care. I couldn't care. I could only wait and wait. Within a few hours, he finally came.

Ash Ketchum walked through the auto-doors of the Pokemon Center with an eager, hopeful look to his face. He was just as optimistic and as innocent as I remember him. I always liked that about him. But at that moment, it infuriated me. Pikachu, as always, was with him - sitting on his shoulder with that lovable smile. Clemont and Bonnie weren't with him. Maybe my calling for him was too sudden for the whole group to come. But that girl did come. _That girl_. Serena. She walked in beside him, too close to him. Closer than I've ever comfortably walked beside him, yet she was doing it like it was the most natural thing to do.

Ash caught sight of me, and that smile on his face suddenly vanished. He showed confusion, and fear. My anger and annoyance and frustration and insanity must have been showing very clearly on my face. I approached the two, barely aware of anything else around me. At that time, only those two existed in my world. I didn't know what I was going to say, or even do. I hadn't thought of it. I hadn't thought of anything for quite some time. I just watched myself as I stalked closer and closer and...

"I love you, Ash! Please go out with me!"

I shouted it. I roared it. Like a schoolboy confessing his love to the prima donna of the school, forcing the words out as loud as he can as if it'd drown out the embarrassment in his stomach. And I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I had said that. I didn't know what to make of it. What to think of it. The words spilled from me, but I had no idea where within me they came from.

Ash's face was pink. My face was pink. Serena's face was pink. Pikachu's face was pink. I'm sure everyone in that Pokemon Center's face was pink. Even the Audino's face was pinker than pink.

Such a bold confession.

And I was the one who made it.

I wanted to sink into the ground and die. I wanted to run. I was going to run. My feet were about ready to run. But then I felt a sharp pain on my cheek. Axew had pressed his tusk hard against my skin, forcing me out of my instincts. I had completely forgotten Axew was with me. That he had been with me this entire time. I wondered what he had thought when I just left Dawn at the cafe. I wondered what he had thought when we boarded that plane. And I wondered what he had thought when I just stood there like a creep in the middle of the Pokemon Center, glaring at the door.

What did he think then? ... Of course I knew what he was thinking then. He didn't want me to run. He knew I was going to, and he snapped me out of it. He wanted me to stay, to continue to face what had just happened. He thought I had gone through all this trouble because I thought it was worth it. So I shouldn't run. I should face whatever consequence that comes with what I think is important.

Except... I didn't know _what_ was important. I didn't know _what_ I was doing there. I didn't even know _what_ I just did!

That girl... Serena. Her face turned from pink to a darker shade of pink. Her eyes were holding back something. Something painful. She excused herself, saying she needed to use the restroom, and left the two of us to be alone. Pikachu, the sweetheart, chased after her.

I hated that. I hated that I hurt her that way. I hated that it hurt her. I hated that she gave up the instant I said that. After all, isn't she Ash's...?

"M-My girlfriend?! N-No. No, she's not." he answered me.

We were in my room now, a cheap one I rented in the Pokemon Center. We had to talk somewhere more private after I made such an embarrassing scene. Some people cheered us on our way in here. Their whistles only made our pink faces turn red.

Some time had been spent in silence within the room, with the both of us just staring at our own twiddling thumbs. I didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to say. We didn't know what to say to each other at this point. How could we?

Thinking back to all our memories, all we've ever been to each other was just good friends. We got close, and at times, the things we did felt like we were having dates, but we've never pushed the relationship to reflect that. We were companions, that was all. And now... And now, what were we?

We're more than just friends now. He didn't run or deny me, after all. But what are we? Friends that are aware of each other's true feelings? But I didn't even know what he felt for me yet. I don't even know what I really felt for him. What I said, back there, came out of me without a thought, and out of nowhere. So what could I think or know about it? I'm just as shocked as he is over my words.

What should we feel? What should we think? Where do we go from here?

But, maybe, more importantly, shouldn't I be thinking about what I'm taking from him?

He was turned away slightly, not wanting our eyes to lock. The thought of Serena being his girlfriend had crossed his mind before. He liked her. Of course he did.

That look he had in the photo, with her arms wrapped around him... that shy, happy smile on his face. He was just as happy as her with how close they were to each other. It's what made me think they were a couple. But seeing that smile on him... made me feel betrayed, abandoned - I realize that now.

I was upset at him. Because... I thought... I always thought in the back of my mind... that he wouldn't ever be interested in anyone. In my thoughts about my journey's end, when we're sharing a meal and a laugh, Ash was still single - still never fully interested in holding an intimate relationship with anyone. So he'd be completely honest with me, in every single tale he had to tell. Nothing would be withheld. And I, too, wouldn't hold anything back. Because... I couldn't see myself with anyone else either.

... anyone... else.

Ash and I were supposed to stay single, together. We wouldn't need anyone else. We'd always have each other. Neither of us would get with anyone else, because we weren't interested in that mushy, romantic stuff. All that would matter is that we could share our stories with each other... so we could always continue our journey together, in some way, somehow. With our experiences being shared. Forever. And ever. And never ending.

I... I don't want it to end.

If he becomes interested in anyone in _that way_... then he'll have a journey that I can't follow or ever know. He can't tell me every little detail, every honest feeling, because I would have no right to it. No matter how much he would say, how much he would do, some part of him will be kept from me, blocked from me. Because... I'm not... Ash's...

Tears came running down my cheeks. I made a slight whimper. I wanted to cough to try to hold it back, but instead, a wail shot out. I'm crying. Loudly. And... And I can't stop. No, I can't be doing this. Not to Ash. I don't want him to pity me. I don't want him to change his mind just because I'm like this. I want him to make his own choice and say what he wants to say without being forced by me. Our journeys are supposed to run together, even if separate, not into each other! I don't - I don't want to stop him!

"I love... our journeys. I don't... I don't ever want them to end." I was mewling. Ash was going to say something, but I spoke over him. He was going to say something to make me feel better, I know. I would have done the same for him. But I can't let him. It's selfish of me to stop him now, but it'd be even more selfish for me to let him keep going. I need to be responsible over my own actions, my own words. I can't keep saying I don't know what - I don't know why. I have to know. And the only way I'm going to know is by being completely honest with him now, with everything that I am, and everything I have. "Ash..." I said, wiping away my stupid, immature tears, "I don't really know what it's like to be in a real relationship. People scare me. Even to this day, they scare me. Even... Even you scare me sometimes."

"I scare you?" he asks me, with that sweet, naive voice. I... really like that voice. I don't want it to go.

"Y-Yeah. You scare me. You know, it's because I really like you. A lot. More than I've ever felt for any human, really. And... You can betray that. At any point. You can take advantage of me. With anything I say or do. And I'd... I'd let you. I'd let you do it. Because, no matter what, I don't want you to go."

"I wouldn't take advantage of you. I wouldn't betray you, Iris."

How he says my name... I really like that too. When it comes from him, it sounds like he actually knows me. Like he's at home with me. Like we're supposed to always know each other. _Always_. "But... you did. You stopped calling me. And then you got a new partner without telling me. And... And you like her."

"L-Like her? I - I -..."

"Don't lie to me, Ash. Please. Don't betray me any further than you've already done."

"... okay." he says to me, like a child finally admitting to a trouble he's caused.

"I know you like her. You really like her. In _that way_. And it's sweet. And you two are really cute for each other. But..." But... How do I feel? How do I really feel about this? Please, let me be honest. Let me be as honest as I can ever be. This step is important, it may be the most important, for the both of us, for each of us. It will determine what we have now, who we are now, what we'll be in the future, and what our past meant to us. So please... let me be honest as I can ever, ever be. "What about me? What about... us? What about everything we ever held together? We were good friends, _are_ good friends. And everything we've ever done for each other, with each other, even apart from one another, is so very, very dear to me. It's irreplaceable."

"I feel the same way."

" _Then isn't that enough?_ Can't that be enough for me to love you? Isn't that enough reason for me to feel this way for you? And... can that be enough for you to feel the same way for me? Can't we let it grow into something more? Something greater? Can't we stop seeing each other as friends and see each other as more than that? As Ash, as Iris. Something more than just a companion. Deeper. Closer. I want us to be closer than that, now, before you go. Before you go into a journey I can't follow. I want our journey to reach its peak together, before moving on.

"I know you like her. I know there's a good chance that like can grow into a love. But please, before you do, can you give _us_ a chance? Whether we fail or succeed, I just want _us_ to have that chance. I want _us_ to have an ending together before it just fades into the background. I don't want to just be an influence in your life. I want to be a part of it, I want to be it, so that I never disappear from your life completely! Because... Because... You'll never disappear from mine! Not now. Not ever. I... I love you. Even if I don't know what it fully means yet. I want to explore it with you. I want to find it with you. Because, I know I have it for you. It's... It's yours. This love... that I have... this one, belongs to no one else. So please, let me share it before I let it go..."

And that's it. That's all I can say. Because that's all I feel. I don't know anything beyond this point. I can't predict anything else. And yet... that fills me with so much calm.

"I don't want us to be something more."

His words skewered my chest. It suddenly feels... blank?

"I don't want us to stop being friends."

That feeling in my chest... It's empty. But it hurts? How can it hurt if I don't... I don't feel anything?

"Because we'll always be friends, and we'll always be Iris and Ash, even if we're together."

Huh?

"I don't think we can be something 'more', Iris. I think we can be something different, but I don't think we can be anything greater than what we are now, don't you think?"

What's - What's he saying?

"I don't know what it's like to be in a real relationship either... I don't know what love is, either. But I do know, that no matter what, who we are, what we do, you'll always be the Iris I know. You're my friend. My companion. My... Iris. And the feelings I have for you... Well, they're for no one else. I don't know if that's what love is. But I know they're not for anyone else. And whatever those feelings turn out to be, I don't think I'll ever go beyond them. Deeper, sure. But not beyond. I'll never think of what we had as anything less of what they were. I'll always treasure what we had, what we still have. Even if it wasn't a _real_ relationship, what we had in it _is_ real. And I'll never abandon that, even if we go forward."

"W-What does that mean?" I ask him. I'm so confused. Yet excited. And really, really antsy right now.

"What I mean to say is... Uhm... I guess..." He's looking at me now. He's looking right at me. And his face is really pink. Does that mean? What does it mean? "Yes. I'll... go out with you."

It's awkward... All that time you spent with a guy you always thought of as 'a good friend' suddenly changing after just a few words. Changing into something... different. Something strangely more familiar. Something so completely indescribable. How is anyone supposed to keep their head on straight at such a revelation? Am I supposed to lose my cool? Or try hard to stay calm and collected? What are you supposed to think if you didn't even know what was rational in the first place? And how is anyone supposed to look at the future? Should I see it as exciting? Joyous? Frightening? Am I seeing this relationship foolishly right now? Or can it really not be helped?

Or... am I not supposed to think about it at all?

Will I mess up? Could this all be a big mistake? How can we know before start it? Should I wait and see? Or should I be proactive? How can anyone be proactive when they don't even know what they have right now? What will we be doing ten years from now? What will we do ten seconds from now? Why did we say these things? But here we are. Because of our fears, our cherishments, our excitements, our honesties bared completely...

I can't believe we said that.

But we're going to have to live with it.


End file.
